Every cancer journey is unique, and what one person finds comforting might not resonate with another. As someone who’s been through the wringer, I can tell you that there’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to support. However, there were a few things that really stood out to me—whether they made me laugh, cry, or just feel a bit more understood. Here are some of the phrases and gestures that I appreciated the most during my battle with cancer. Hopefully, they can offer some insight into how to support your loved ones during their own journey.
“Do you want me to feel it or fix it?”
- Sometimes I just wanted to unleash a flood of tears or vent like a drama queen. Other times, I needed someone bossy enough to wrestle with my insurance company for me when I was done dealing with it.
“It’s okay to feel X.”
- People LOVE telling you how to feel—like, “Be positive!” or “Be grateful!” And sure, those are cute, but what really rocked was having someone let me be a hot mess and feel every emotion from scared to numb without judgment.
“Think of all the great parking spots you’ll get with that handicap tag!”
- Not gonna lie, one of my biggest regrets is not snagging that VIP parking pass when I needed it most. Seriously, missed opportunity!
“If there’s anything you need or anything I can do, just let me know.”
- When people asked what I needed early on, I had zero idea. Like, how am I supposed to know what future-me is gonna need? The ones who kept the communication lines open so I could hit them up when I figured it out were real MVPs.
“Can I do X for you?”
- Asking “What do you need?” is like asking a deer in headlights for directions. Offering specific stuff—like, “Can I drop off dinner/sit with you during chemo/bring cookies?”—was way more helpful. It’s like ordering off a menu instead of just staring at it blankly.
“Do you want a Chantilly cake from Whole Foods?”
- Umm, duh, that’s a hard yes. Always. Shout out to the WF bakery department for helping me hit my daily caloric goals during my darkest days. ILYSM.
“It’s okay to ask for help.”
- I hated feeling like I was bugging people. But hearing that folks were actually pumped to help made it a bit easier to reach out when I finally got my act together.
“Let’s focus on what we can control right now.”
- Everything about cancer is like being on a never-ending roller coaster you didn’t sign up for. As a control freak, losing grip on my schedule and energy was brutal. Setting tiny goals, like eating protein, gave me something to cling to and made the whole mess feel a bit less overwhelming.
“This really fucking sucks and is unfair. I’m sorry.”
- Hell yes, it does. I always appreciated friends and family who skipped the sugar coating and were straight-up honest about how much it all sucked.